Flossie Returns!!!!!

Hello faithful followers and patrons of the Playa

It has been some while since I posted and I do apologise. We had a great season of events planned leading up to Christmas and the New Year but everything was put on hold by Keith (pronounced ‘Keith”s) untimely absence due to a misunderstanding involving a young lady, a walrus and a gorilla fancy dress costume, resulting in a short break at her Majesty’s pleasure.  All resolved now and we managed to keep it out of the papers but it did mean that I had nobody to unblock the drains or do the shopping, or indeed everything. Since I am technically related to the Queen (long story) I cannot be expected to even know how to do these things. It’s just not in my genes.

Anyway, Keith (pronounced ‘Keith’) did return at the beginning of January but by then I was so traumatised by having to wash my own smalls and feed myself, I felt I needed a break.

I therefore went on sabbatical for a month.  I will probably tell you about my exploits in another post but for now, it’s all go here at the Playa now I am back, with a special party being laid on for me!  Unfortunately, since all the staff left us over the ‘incident’ and my subsequent lack of commitment to the Playa, it has been left to Keith (pronounced ‘Keith’) to organise everything.  During my sabbatical, Keith (etc) was good enough to keep the place going but he had to contend with the worst rainfall since records began and also a serious drink problem, not to mention an undiagnosed condition of the foot, which resulted in many hours in A&E and a limp.  He also turned the place into a brothel, something I predicted ages ago if ever I wasn’t about, so I had to spend a week evicting Russian immigrants from all the rooms and Febrezing everywhere.

We therefore apologise in advance if the entertainment is not quite up to the usual high standards and ask that you bear with us as we have now invested in a whole new programme of upgrades, further details to be announced soon.

So, back to the party.

We will be holding this in the Club Room, not ideal for such a big event but sadly the only room not damaged by the floods.  This was the grand ballroom, which would have been perfect but, as you can see, is no longer useable.

The Grand Room, sadly no longer grand

The Grand Room, sadly no longer grand

Luckily, the Club Room escaped the flooding so we are able to use this, although with the amount of guests we are expecting it might be a bit of a squeeze.  I think you’ll agree it has a great atmosphere though, eh?  This photo was from the annual Penis Jugglers Convention, held at the Playa last year.  Always a fun event!

Penis Jugglers comparing notes

Penis Jugglers comparing notes

Entertainment will be provided by the ever popular Mitzi and Suze, still reeling from their success on Britain’s Got Talent, and who always delight us with their performance and sparkle.  Rumour has it that they have a new ‘adult’ act up their sleeves, involving pickled onions and some sandwich filler but we shall just have to wait and see!

Mitzi and Suze on TV

Mitzi and Suze on TV

Tickets are not needed for this event, which starts this evening at 7.30pm but you are advised to arrive early if you want a seat and some of the delicious free buffet.


We look forward to seeing you later on to celebrate Flossie’s return and a new year of events at the wonderful Playa de Arlow, the most happening place to be in Essex!!

Dress Code: Preferable

The Management



The Only Way Is Playa de Arlow this summer!

Good day, Playa fans.  I hope you have all been enjoying the marvellous hot weather we have been so fortunate to have here in the UK this month?

Here at the Playa, we have been busy with the usual flurry of guests wanting to spend a few days away at our fabulous resort.

This month has seen an unusually high number of visitors, particularly since several members of TOWIE were recently spotted in the locality.  Technically, they weren’t actually TOWIE cast members but they certainly looked like them and behaved in exactly the same idiotic manner so they count as TOWIES.


Obviously, with all the extra guests we have had to extend the resort and open up the rear car park to caravans and mobile homes.  I think you’ll agree that we have managed to create a very exclusive and upmarket site though, yes?


And now we are almost into August…..

August is RIOT MONTH in the UK, as I am sure you are aware.  To celebrate this traditional British festivity, we will be holding a whole host of events to entertain you.

Come and sample some of the wonderful local (and international) beers on offer at the BEER TENT.


Be entertained by the hilarious ‘Fire Setting’ event, where locals compete to see just how many vehicles they can set ablaze in an hour, dressed in traditional rioting costumes!


Join the looters as they merrily rampage through the town centre, joyfully smashing windows and stealing worthless items from Poundland and Primark!


Enter the traditional August Rioting Games and be part of the fun!


Whatever you decide to do, we look forward to seeing you and we hope you will go home feeling that you are truly part of a great British festival!

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